There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Two words: blizzard sex
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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