well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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