im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
