so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
