She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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