Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Randomize
