1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
