did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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