my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
