your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
