Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just gift wrapped bread.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
