that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
