I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
did i just pee glitter
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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