He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
he fucked my hip out of place.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
