I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm sobbing to NWA
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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