Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
