when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
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