Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
