i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
