I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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