Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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