I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
her facebook's as public as her vagina
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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