Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
