you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
