you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
