I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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