why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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