You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
