And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
