yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
