only if we run a train.
done.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
