i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
