I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
My apartment stinks of burning failure
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize