evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
