There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
