i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
