I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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