you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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