It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
