nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
