If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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