I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
