Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
