i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
