I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
The beer is more important than you right now.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
