I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
