I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
