One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Randomize
