my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
