yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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