This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
