I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
