I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
