Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
