We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
they're like a gay fantastic four
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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