After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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