I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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