this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
