Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
