All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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