The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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