Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
