I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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