so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Acid is not a monday night drug
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
