Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
