I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I need moral support for this bender
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I forget how to act sober
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
