chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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