Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
