listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
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