he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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