hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
