I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
