I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
