I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
