just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
