Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
